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Selcuk Bor @MaestroRage

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My musical life story?

Posted by MaestroRage - October 3rd, 2007


Still busting my chops at University, but I decided, writing my musical story wouldn't kill too much time.

Some musicians I respect like MilkMan_Dan and Lacrioso are letting people know of their past, and the story behind their music. I have decided, for the sake of jumping on wagons, that I too shall write my history, but I shall write it in the way I see fit. Which embodies two key terms to describe it. Epic, and Irrelevant

It all started on the morning of Yesteryear times 4. Or to say, Late 17's. I was a troubled child who seemed to find programming and math fun. Yes indeed, those were dark and horrible days, many physciatrists have plunged deep into the realms of insanity to try and understand my mind. Oh for LORE, I spent many a day explaining, that my mind just did not go that deep.

I pray for them on a nightly basis :(

I was at grade 9 forced into an orchestra class. For in order to graduate I required a music credit, and as I sat there cursing Kahn and his wrath for putting me in this situation I realized that suddenly I did not care the Liberals were going to win that years election.

yes, that is how deeply I was hurt. Let them have the majority of the seats, I hope that failure comes swiftly to the heads of my enemies as their pensions plans are refused to them due to fund deficiencies!

Rubbing my thin grainy hands, and cackligiling *giggiling while cackling*, I was led to the room that would be the music room. The door opened and my eyes made contact with the grand Maestro of High School musicians! I must have interrupted a crucial moment because the French Hornist forgot that the mouth piece did not go into his eye.

"What do you play young man!" he bellowed, pointing his wretched broken down meter stick fiercely into my SOUL!

"I play, and this is no lie, THE TRIANGLE!"

the room shat themselves in horror and awe. Several flutists stood up smashing their seats back into the violinists, impaling their souls, thrusting the flutes deep into the guts of their worst enemies.

And then I realized I should probably answer the question, and also continue taking my medication.

"I play a wicked math book, allow me to demonstrate!" busting out the thickest math book I solved for him right there and then several algebraic formulas. To make it even more relevant to his query I scribbled in C minor, at 140 bpm.

Shedding tears of remorse and wonderment, he pointed me at the bass drum. Even a hamster with downsyndrome could smack a mallet to a large circular box like object on beat right?!

WRONG!

It was hilarious. He'd raise the stick
*BANG*

"No, when I point to y-"
*Bang*

"Okay, i'm not even pointing ye-"
*BANG*

"FOR FUC-"
*BANG-ANG-ang-ng*

">:("
*:D*
">:'("
*D':*

"Sit down, AND NEVER SHALL THEE TOUCH ANOTHER INSTRUMENT!" and the athiests in the room immediatly lol'ed it up, because he said Thee, and that was hilarious.

And then I sat down and started to read my book, which I had borrowed from the library. I don't remember what book it was, only that it had pages, and that it also had no pictures.

I went to the office after class and I said to the guidance counseller I said, "Woman! You get me out of that class, and find me the happiness my mother could never give me >:("

Peering into my eyes, the what was now evidently, a man, took up his guidance book and started typing into his computer. Many minutes passed, and he had failed to pass the Solitaire game. For SHAME, I wanted to screech into the heavens, you formidible TWAT, THE JACK GOES ON TOP OF THE QUEEN, and then I giggled, because I was fairly sure that borderlined incest. Incest is wrong.

"You can't leave that class, all the other classes don't want you!"
"LIES!" I thundered, and unsheathed my +30 axe of retardation!
"YOU SHALL NOT PASS... THAT COURSE!" boomed my opponent while busting out his +50 red pen of fail! For many a day we made combat, the kind of shatters the very foundation of empires, the kind that is written in books to be ridiculed by youngsters of the coming years, because honestly, why not.

And at long last, when I had my axe zipping towards his head, he said "I shall let you DROP THE CLASS!"

"Then make it so wo-man? thing!" and with more clicks, and mother jokes, it was done. I was out of the orchestra class!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
111111

2222222

To be continued!

True story!

================================EDIT ==== ECIT=====================

Part 2!

With my newfound victory of not having to attend music class, I went and in my spare, I programmed redudently simple option driven rpg's. In short, press 'a' to kick the midget, 'b' to backhand the midget, 'c', apologize to the midget, etc etc.

And I thought I was Sir Williams the Expert Coder, the Third. And such, grade 9 and 10 were blurs of clickings, and scribblings, and lol'ing at the musicians, and wondering why for the love of all that was fuzzy and pokable would anybody want to take something called the bow, and then rudely rub it suggestively on another object, which would screech out "rape!" albeit it was percieved as music at the time. There is debate about wether grade 9 and 10 musicians, do in fact, rape their instruments with what they try to pass off as "playing".

The only thing they were playing with was the well being of anybody who passed them. It was a fun game to punish the low scum of the school by forcing them to walk by the orchestra room. So full was their fate of agony, it brings great grief to recall it.

God rest their souls, a tear is shed for the fallen.

I'd ask for a moment of silence, but you're garuanteed the screeching of untuned madness to bleed your ears.

And so grade 11 hit, and I my gaming craze hit it's all new high. Deeming myself a "virtual athlete", I stormed the stormy IP server seas with my trusty mouse. I was also a very big Anime fan at the time. If Japan made it, chances were I had it, if Japan didn't make it, chances were I was blackmailing somebody into making it.

For those of you who have seen Fruits Basket.

I'm SO sorry :(.

At the time I found my first musician idol. Yuki Kajiura, composer for the anime series ./Hack Sign. When I first heard the tracks I was like "YOU ARE FULL OF LIES, AND ENTERTAINMENT!" and I busted out that tune like the elderly on bingo night.

And then I said to myself "this song is rightous enough for me to remix it". And I did in fact remix it. And I shall never show you, nor anybody this song ever again, it shall die with me. With my Fruity Loops 3 I thought I was the next Mozart. I was just doing this for kicks and giggles.

And then I said "the internet... she is ready for me D: " and for sure I was going to go up there with my Fruity preset filled crap and dominate the entire planet! The plan was within the end of the week the president himself would fly on down and give me large islands of Hawaii. Declare Tiesto a crack pot addict, and me the all new founder of modern art of audio!

I entered a competetion at RPG Wolfpack *now deceased :'(* and my first breath as MaestroEm-I mean MaestroSorrow was born.

I lost.

But the musician there took pity on my crap I called skill, and said "j00 r fail, use VST's!"

and I did, starting with Edirol, if you go to my old account, it's all made with that one VST, accept like 2 songs. Of course all those songs are equivalantly made of fail. Failure and Do not Pass Go. I did not even collect 200 dollars... Bullavard avenue was sadly out of my reach.

Half a year passed and people were starting to get angry at my overrated page. So many a letter was sent detailing how they would kill my unborn children, and then plant a large salt tablet in locations I wasn't sure of. Like my thyroid gland. Where was that exactly? I'd ask, because I felt it was important to know where I am being threatened before an appopriate lash back was created.

"Yeah... well... I'm going to kick your shins >:'(!"

And sadly i've lost interest in writing the rest of the story, it ends here for MaestroEmo, perhaps one day I shall write about MaestroAngerIssues, and the unknown identity of MaestroMoodSwings. If you made that account, seriously let me know, i've lost sleep. It's not cool.


Comments (20)

Amazing. Simply amazing. Your life story beats the crap out of mine ._.

Btw: First comment! Hoo-rah!

There are few who could live through my life and not seriously consider throwing their life away by joining Law School on a daily basis. I do appreciate the comment though, hope ya enjoyed teh first part :D

Bravo! You really ought to consider being an e-comedian sometime. :D

Pshaw, my humor comes and goes like the passing marks of my tests.

OMG LOLZ XD

ah my very reaction to the whole being forced into the music class back in Grade 9 :D! Glad j00 enjoyed teh stury!

What the bloody hell is this all about?! This is a peculiar introduction for you to the world of music...I'm safely assuming you were serious about the whole medication thing and as for your solitare-troubled guidence counsuler, if you should see her, REMEMBER THAT THE JACK GOES ON THE QUEEN AND THE QUEEN ON THE KING!!!!

not my fault guidance consulers are Solitaire challenged! It just doens't make sense, you'd think putting meaningless things in order would be their strength :/

As for my medication, I ran out yesterday D:

Should be an entertaining week.

Nice to see you again Zen, glad you dropped by ;)

OI! GET OVER TO BITTERSWEET! NOW! Some stuff's goin down! And btw... I came to your page just to leave you a message, I was forced to read through your life story(which I didn't ask for). Appreciate it! NOW!

you're lucky to have read only the first part. If I had chosen to include the rest of the story you'd be sitting in your seat weeping, weeping like the madness you are.

I also went to Bittersweet, awesome stuffs mahn :D! Proud of ya!

That...was simply amazing. Nothing to it really.

thank you kindly! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

My agreement on the former comments, that was definitely something between amusing and amazing and one of the most entertaining stories I've heard so far. Too bad that I never got the opportunity to join an orchestra class although I was such a great trianglist as well. 8D Guess we never know what lies ahead, I also have some dark memories of my not so artistic past.

Can't wait for part 2! ;D

how did I miss this one?!

Amusing was really the focus on this one! Maybe one day i'll write the super epic version which will be amazing. Like cosmic scale!

We shall orchestrate a triangular fest of DEVESTATION :D!!!!

Dude, that was like...shakespeare...you should now make a flash movie of youre life... complete with your own incredible montage of youre epic tunes.

that would be epic! Like super epic music, to supremely epic irrelevance! Now if only I could draw worth beans...

I shall give you monocle man whilst we wait, he shall judge thee

p_o

Lol @ MaestroEmo
Congrats on your Audio Mod classificationator, by the way! :D

thank yees. Too bad you're not a new submitter. I'd furrow my eyebrows in uncontrolled confusion and ban your legit ass >:D

But of course I wouldn't, because I am not like that... on Tuesdays.

Glad j00 enjoyed teh stories!

i rofled

then my work here is done...

Pointless writer... AWAY!

glad ya enjoyed it :D!

Yes, this made me laugh. It seems youve had some good times.

"God rest their souls, a tear is shed for the fallen." - LOL

if it made you laugh, then it did what it was intended to do :D! Glad you liked it!

Truley amazing, the first part of your life story entertained me (no offence) since your maestro teacher seemed didnt care about your little math expression's and such..just kept hitting you with a "BANG". I would have cried on the spot but that's me lol. And who would have known counslor's were soo touchy? eh my highschool very touchy indeed :(. Also the funny thing sadely a man couldnt beat a solataire game?!?!?!?!?!? What's up with that? jeez my little brother age 8 beat it..not that hard eh? Anywayz nice stroy i really enjoyed it heheh.

I'm not offended at all! I am glad I was able to entertain you with this story. Though the actions and conversations are not quite truth, the sequence of events actually are.

Well the Maestro is actually an incredible person. Has a Doctorate in music, and spends his summers touring Europe and giving concerts. The fact he's willing to put up with so much crap at that school just to let kids learn from him is remarkable.

Yeah, failing at Solitaire... sadness in it's fullest glory :(

Glad you enjoyed the story ^^

Meep.

>:*(

Damn it WinterWind/DavidOrr/SolusLunes/Mu sicalRocky fess up! Which one of you bastards is it! I'm going to say WinterWind because I take rash decisions like that!

Maybe I shouldn't say anything about my having made MaestroMoodSwings?

I thought it would be funny. :D

But so was this story. I only wish I could hear a live retelling.

if you seriously made it Solus, log into that account and pm me NOW >:(!!!! I MUST KNOW T-T.

The sleep eludes me all over again thanks to these two posts. I hope you (both?) get mauled by an angry bear >:(!

OMFG....

I came here through Zajed's page outta boredom... and... I couldn't stop laughing... Wow, not only are you a great musician and great @ banging a bass drum, but you're also one funny fucker. ^.^

I do my best :D! I used to be quite the writer/poet before I picked up music. And then somehow... somewhere... the pen fell to the composer stick. Proving that the pen is indeed weaker then not only the sword, but most blunt objects usable to bash things in!

I'm glad you enjoyed the story ^^.

Good to hear ya back on track... New songs are nice but I'm too zombified now to write a review... maybe later... As for the story... it's written quite nicely, and it's hilarious. My musical story isn't that exciting... it starts with a free demo of Dance eJay 4 that came with a cereal... and currently ends with Reason. But the next episode shall contain Cubase... and who knows what else :) Btw, if you have time, you could check out my newer songs A Clash of Destinies and Bloodstained Sunrise, not too bad classical pieces. I'm gettin more skilled with Reason :D

Hahaha... oh maestro... I lol'd at your writing style.

Seriously... write a book... or write a song with holarious lyrics.

lol I hope part 3 includes the part where we are about to make an amazing fucking song.

Yep... it better... because you sir are amazing.

Amazing as a hamster in my metaphorical ass.

Sincerely,
MMD

well, imza gonna be rude, im gonna make those accounts ^^

tried, maestromoodswings was taken :'(

but maestroemo wasnt ^_^
id love to hear more of this irrelevent, epic storry, and the wrath of kahn.

im a lucky bstard i guess, a music credit isnt required in alberta to grad (SHOOP DA WHOOP)

who the hell cares if u have mental issues?
there'sa quote i like, i dont know who its from

i dont suffer from insanity, i enjoy every minute of it

i personally live true to that ^^

apparantly my friends think im funny in a dane cook kinda way, is that actually a good thing? lol idk , but who cares, its bloody fun

having fun is the only thing worth living for, if not, go cut yur wrists emo
ill buy u a nbew emo bracelt then.... made outta razor wire :D

ait i forgot sometin... new song, hamster in ass? can i join you guys? sounds like im missing out on something fun...

Muhahahaha!

indeed, the pen is a dull, small, blunt weapon.... but very effective when filled with cyanide ^^

you'd never see it coming... 'oops my bad, used the wrong ink my pencil today, well have fun, u got a few mins to live...'