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Selcuk Bor @MaestroRage

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Posted by MaestroRage - December 26th, 2007

East West Voices of Passion
Size: 7.1 gigs (8 gigs on website is not true)
Price: $500
Rating: 1/5
Has: Key Switches (PLAY) (10), Velocity Layering (1)

This library gave me huge heart ache. I am talking from the standpoint of an aspiring game composer who likes to be able to tell every instrument exactly what they should be playing. The website gives you the impression that out of the 5 singers included in this library you will be able to tell them everything and anything, alongside some melodic phrases that the singers perform from their cultural standpoint.


Only 1.5 of the singers can sing what you tell them. The 0.5 is the American singer who can sing what you tell her however her voice will change during the note, so if you tell her to change notes before she's finished her hour long "uuuooooaoaaaaaeeeeemmmmmaaaahhh" it sounds incredibly synthy and quite horrible. Not all her notes will morph while she sings but most of them will have some kind of "passionate" touch to them which again makes you wait for the whole thing to finish, or risk making it sound like pure crap.

The only singer who can do what you tell her fully and completely is the Wales singer. Who has vowel articulation. mm, ooh, aah, ee, etc. But even as such without proper hardware, like a midi keyboard with the mod wheel this entire library is useless. Listen to my song Unseen Dance, and listen for yourself. I have used the Wales singer without a keyboard *As I currently do not have one attached to my computer), and you will notice that on the fast passages her voice also sounds incredibly synthy.

And then of course there is the other 3 singers. Syria, Bulgeria, and Indian. Don't even get me started on this "collection" of presets. Thats all it is. Random phrases sung by the singer. You don't even know what they're singing, and again like the American singer unless you wait for them to finish, changing notes halfway makes it sound very fake. 6.5 out of the 7.1 gigs is just these phrases. No control, no idea what they're singing, just singing. I for one don't like the idea of putting random phrases which probably mean nothing when put together. Have some Indian listener pm me the next day

"Why did you make her sing "I'm in love, a murderous bastard, snowing on the mountains!? YOU IDIOT >:(!"

I lost a LOT of respect for East West after this product. I simply could not believe they would try to sell such a huge collection of uncontrollable loops for so much money. I mean even Magix Music Maker comes with more loops, with more flexibility, AND it's so much cheaper.

There is nothing more I can say about this product without getting vulger, it's a waste of time, waste of money, waste of energy, just don't get it. The ONLY reason it got a 1 at all was for the Wales singer, who is capable of doing what you tell her, again provided you have the right equpment or even that sounds synthy.

East West Voices of Passion

Posted by MaestroRage - December 12th, 2007

East West Symphonic Choirs
Size: 35 gigs
Price: $599
Rating: 4.3/5
Has: Velocity Layering (5), Key Switches (9)
This library has won award after award and it's definitely deserving of each and every title! The power of symphonic choirs comes from it's ability to sing whatever you write inside a wordbuilder program which comes with it. It can sing latin and English pretty well. Though good luck trying to make it sing in German/Spanish/French or any other language which requires certain accents to perform. The library though advanced and complex does not have the accent base to be able to branch out to these areas effectively. It's not IMPOSSIBLE per say, but the amount of work necessary to make it happen, are often enourmous.

The words you can make them sing only affect the choir, there are soloist patches also available however these you cannot make sing. It would nearly double the library size to make them all as flexible. Though I would welcome such an addition it is perfectly understandable why this was not done so. Getting a soloist singer to work with you is infinitely easier then getting a choir.

You have your usual range of the choir of course, Bass, Tenor, Alto, Soprano (no baritone, go home!).

A note to make is the massive size of the library. 35 Gigs is not a small amount and really if you're only looking for vowel articulations (ie, aaaah, eeeee, ooooh, oooo, eeeeh), then there are much cheaper and more useful libraries for you. No library i've seen to date offers the power EWSC offers, but only about 1-2 gigs of it is actually vowel articulated. So watch your back, 35 gigs to use 2 gigs of samples? You've got better use of that space.

Now lets talk briefely about your goals. The choirs is an excellent program, but do you really know how choirs work in regards to equalizing? Sure you've got your range from Bass to Soprano, but you're going to have to consider what exactly you're getting this library for. Working with choirs is not easy, and they are rather thick instruments. By this I mean to hear a choir effectively and properly, especially if they're singing something requires a good deal of knowledge in the mastering/equalizing department. Each range requires different attention. Technically speaking putting a high pass on the Bass singers is going to kill them, putting a Low pass on the Sopranos is going to muffle them, whilst paying no attention whatsoever will force you to heavily reconsider what instruments you'll be using alongside them, or risk losing clarity and substance.

This, like most East West products is not a joke. It's geared towards serious artists and you will need to be patient with yourself to learn it. The wordbuilder is not as user friendly as most people think and there is a wide range of Syntax and commands you will need to know in order to tell the wordbuilder what it is that you really want it to sing. So before you go all uppidy on it's power, step back and really really ask yourself if this is something you're getting simply because "it's so powerful everybody should have it!" or "I'm really going to bust out the choral works!" Having a keyboard connected to the system makes using the Choir Builder infinitely easier as you can hold notes on the keyboard to the length you'd like rather then manually control it via mouse.

One of the pleasent additions in this library is the Key Switches available for the soloist singers. They can sing any vowel articulation in a good range of dynamics and it's evident the effort that was put into making them realistic. Never once let me down in my expectations these patches.

The Velocity Layering on the library is somewhat weak when it comes to choir overall. I don't get the sense of hushed singing, or loud blaring. The Soloists however have a very good dynamic layering of their voices.

Remember, confusions and frustration are both inspiration killers. Don't walk into the trap without bringing an informed decision to the table.

- Can make any choir sing any word you want
- Very powerful vowel articulations (oh, oo, eh, ah, ee)

- Complex without proper steps taken to study the wordbuilder
- Quite large
- Solo singers cannot be told what to sing

East West Symphonic Choirs

Posted by MaestroRage - November 30th, 2007

Anybody else like my new header?!

I for one, adore it beyond words, but not beyond expression (get it, because expression uses words, you can't have a words by themselves!!!)

No but seriously, a big big thanks to Mydnite for creating it for me. It depicts everything about my music. Epic, brutal, and of course, every bodies favorite, rage :D! The fantasy setting was also very appropriate.

With that out of the way, the time of studying it almost at an end, in one week, finals begin, and then another week of brutal cramming, and sleepless nights. As much as I hate it, i'm looking forward to sleeping in the library.

During this time, reviews will not likely be responded to. I don't want to put "thanks!" to the reviews and so I hope those who are expecting one will understand why they won't get a response soon.

Unless you put something like "DIS GOOD!" in which case, I have nothing to say, but "thanks!"

Keep up the good fight Newgrounds!

EDIT, had to put up this awesome pic of Beethoven. One day I want to conduct like this :'D

Crunch time, a big thanks to Mydnite!

Posted by MaestroRage - November 25th, 2007

So for this month's contest over at the audio forum, we were to make a DnB/Ambiance track. 2 for each, old submissions were allowed.

So right away I decided to try for Ambient. Because lets face it, I havn't had much experience in DnB, and with my already heavy workload, I didn't want to try out too many new and different things, or it would get ugly fast.

So I busted out some Zen cd's, and started listening to them. Because Zen was relaxing, relaxing was ambient, and I was on the verge of discussing the meaning of life with anybody who walked by my door.

"Excuse me sir! Why do you exist!?"
"Because I HATE YOU >:(!"

Okay, so bet it on a horse, I don't care >:(.

In any case, I loved making this track so much, I have decided to make a small series of it. At least 2 other pieces, and this first one which can be found here was a great start.

I hope nobody minds the lack of powerful anger issues for now, Maestro wants to calm things down a bit :).

of course, with school finals being literally 2 weeks away, don't expect anything big, or anything at all until then!

Posted by MaestroRage - November 20th, 2007

EDIT - Read the rest of post to make sense of this tidbit here.
i'm going to make things interesting. "Christina", if you can provide me with the Cubase file for those songs you claim are yours, I will personally apologize and call myself a douche, and then delete my account. No joke. Until then, may you get raped by a hundred angry squirrels

So today was an interesting day. Lets begin at the very beginning.
Before I do that, link to DarkSide555, because he played the ground breaker in this one. if it weren't for his first step of proof, this wouldn't have resolved.

A couple weeks ago, a character who went by the name DreamStrider sent me a pm asking me to add her to my MSN list because she wanted to talk to me. Okay fair enough.

My first reaction was go to her page, which is located above. And that story she wrote, is all pretty sweet... don't you guys agree... pretty damn sweet. Anybody else think it's a little too sweet? Yes indeed, I subtly left my remark on how it should be a book *or maybe it already is*, who knows.
she has removed her post. How sad eh?


After a couple days, she finally came online at the same time as me, and she said hi.

The conversation log is ridiculously long so i'm going to focus on key parts, which are... suspicious.

Her: Would you be interested in performing for a game?

Okay, i'm usually really busy to commit full time, but I do freelance from time to time, I asked for the game website

Site A very intricate lie thus far, it seemed she kept all his/her bases covered. It was a shame that no staff page was found, or findable at least by me. I'm not Hungarian literate.

Apparently our little songwriter also models. Very well I might add. Click on Galaria and go to the 3D art section. That is apparently her. Oh, and of course, she didn't tell me that was her, until I said the 3D artist was talented :D! Easily enough to slip your mind. I mean if you spend dozens of hours producing this, mentioning it is not worth your time. Not at all. Nope.

Nocka munkái, tervei - means Nocka, art and plans. Thank you Dragon198901 for pointing that out!

it becomes important later.

Okay, she is the story writer, designer, 3d modeller, and musician! Wow, if this chick lived across the street i'd be banging on her door and ask her to marry me. Multi talented, supremely gifted and with the ability of proper time management?! absurd! Where was the shopping time?!

Anyways, we started talking about music, as she wanted me to help her produce songs for this game. In the flavor of A Warm Wind in Avalon, and Djose Forest. It would of course, all have to go through her hands first, as the team did not speak English. Of course, why the hell not right?! I'd love to give you those songs right away to use for a game that has no staff page, or you mentioned in it!

In any case, she then started to send me her "old" work. Without breaking any copywrite infrigements *LIKE YOU DID!*, it was this song.

Video of Stolen Song

I listened to it, and immediately I knew it was live, but suspected it to be stolen. I can't of course say that right away. I needed proof, but had no idea how to go about finding it.

So I went to DarkSide555 and said "Do you know Enya/Shakira at all?" which he promptly replied to me by saying

"WUT CRECK DO J00 SMOKE ALL DAY >:(!?" because our good friend DarkSide555 is a bloody metal man, who busts out the jam like expired strawberries. Anyways, I told him, I suspected this song to be stolen. This 17 year old girl who claims to have made it. I sent it to him, while asking her a few more questions.

Of course i'd like to say right now, thank you again DarkSide555 for immediately finding the proof to my suspicions.

I asked her if she made these live? Her first mistake was to say "nope, they were all fake!" Of course my sneaking suspicion suddenly became raging fury. Fake are they?

"And do you use a program like Cubase?"

"Why yes infact that is mostly what I use! :D"

Wow, how awesome, she uses exactly the program I happened to name.

She sent me a second song *actually that youtube video is the second song she sent me, sorry for the mislead, too lazy to change it now*.

So again this was all fake? I inquired. And she said yes. Okay now I knew it was bullshit.

"I'm quite impressed with that cello you had going at 0:59!"
"Oh that is live, I play 4 instruments!"

REALLY?! How awesome, she plays violin, cello, and the harp. So I told her I was going to pick up the Oboe, which is true.

Did j00 guys knew her brother also pleys the Oboe!?!?!?!?

Keep this in mind, it becomes important later.

At this point, DarkSide555 found the evidence!
"Check out this youtube video :D!"

Sweet beans!

This is where it gets fun guys, pay close attention. It was confirmed that it was stolen, it was now time to set up the traps. This song was released last year *lyrics here!*. So I decided to ask her some trap questions. The important thing about these questions was to side step them into view without arousing any suspicion. You must after all take into consideration the person already knows they're lying, and will of course be extra sensitive to vibes which might suggest as such.

Trap 1:
"How long did it take you to make these songs?"

Why this was significant: If she answers at all, in any way or form, it adds proof to it all. Unless s(he) said right then, it wasn't hers.

Her/his answer:
the actual composing was around 2 weeks for both like 1 week for one the playing it was like 2-3 hours writing of the lyrics was another week and the completion was another day that's like a month in total for the 2 songs.

Trap 1 successfully set

Trap 2: Do you plan on publishing these?

Why this was significant: She had said in the convo earlier that she was working on a new album, and that these tracks were old. So she never said anything about them being published. If she says no, there was no need for more traps, if she said yes, the fun would go on.

Her answer: I already have O_o. 2 months ago.

Trap 2 failed, but opened the door to Trap 3

Trap 3: Is your album online?

Significance: Any artist worth their salt would answer "FUG YES!" This trap was a bombshell, if she said yes, she'd have to show me where it was, effectively proving that she had none. If she said she didn't, then how come DarkSide555 just found the same song online?

Loaded questions are fun.

Her Answer: Nope, my album was released 2 months ago, they will be available this december!


Okay, I had my fun, it was time to hammer this down.

I said, and I quote
My dear I have to ask you then, if you released the album two months ago, what is this exactly?

http://order.jamba.hu/jow/slp_order.do ?contentType=9&doc=16037525&parentId=2 917236&jhs=279

released 7 months ago?

It is important the reader realize there was 5 minutes of silence. Time was necessary to backtrack through the lies, desperate measures had to be taken.

Her answer finally:
And I will asnwer you. The songs you have are part of my promotional demo, which are old there is a 3rd song also, you don't belive me either :(, Peti Puskás is my brother

remember her full name back up? Anybody else realize that Peti Puskás has NO RELEVANCE whatsoever?!

Of course, the frowny at the end would break my heart and I would immediately drop my accusations.

So I asked her. Why she would send me a song sung by her "brother", for her promo, which he released on HIS album last year. Managers arn't retarded, nobody is going to publish the same song twice. Of course, she then blocked me.

Too bad, I was about to point out all his/her flaws too. In case you're reading now "Christina" these were your mistakes, please for future lying reference keep them handy.

1. Learn your friggen software. Don't call clearly live performances fake.
2. Did you really think anybody was going to believe you were 17, a master modeller, 4 language speaking, 4 instrument playing, goes to choir, and has time to make albums on top of that?!
3. I'll give you props at the join the game point, that one blew by me.
4. Don't suddenly agree with what people say and then change your story accordingly. I wonder if I said "do you use Fruity Studio's?" would you have gone "yeah :D!"
5. Your mom!
6. Nobody releases the same song twice, you're an idiot. Promotional or no
7. Peti Puskás does not play Oboe!!!
8. Do your research. If you had said you had released the album years ago, you MIGHT have been able to coin that Peti Puskás did a cover of you. I would have had no proof, I don't speak Hungarian, use your god damn brain. Also this would only work if you weren't 17!

In conclusion, go to hell.





Posted by MaestroRage - November 19th, 2007

So last week I bought a new VST East West Voices of Passion and i'm SO anxious to try it out! It was delivered to my home a couple hours ago, and i'm going to be at school today till late, but at LONG LAST, i'll be able to get my grubby hands on it!

I love this library and the power it's going to give me in expressing my ideas is plain ridiculous. Go ahead and check out their demo's, those voices are not preset samples, but programmed, meaning it's not just a program which has a collection of sung phrases.

Thats what I thought too, until I watched the video tutorials. There's more power in that VST then I could ever hope for. It was thanks to those videos I completely bankrupt myself.

It's never fun paying the $70+ tax for these libraries, because Canada has douche baggery policies like that when shipping from the US, but tonight, I dine with passion!

(My personal favorite demo song they have up there is "Catching the Sky by Bernard Asselin")

Watch out Newgrounds, Maestro has new arsenal to wage war with >:}

I'm an idiot. That is all.

Posted by MaestroRage - November 14th, 2007

EDIT: Endless Desert Extended Release information at the bottom

Very Relevant flash to this rant
(Created by James Lee, and sung by Hania, a new artist to this portal!)

Recently for reasons unknown to myself, i've started watching music. MTV, etc etc. And then quickly realizing of course why I stopped.

You know what REALLY bugs the hell out of me?

Female artists who take slutty pictures of themselves, and in sexually charged photos to grab the attention of poor simple minded fools to listening to their mediocre at best crap! I mean just wow! I have slowly began to grow a subtle hatred for these women, and even some guys busting out the thongs to try and get more attention, and it's making my hatred towards these "people" more and more severe.

It's a blatant statement "Look, my music isn't good enough to stand out, so check out my breasts/penis, which unlike my music, DOES stand out :D!!!!"

TO HELL WITH THEM ALL! Pre pubescent kids who see a pretty face suddenly think the music associated with that picture is godly, and unbelievable. All in their weird hope to get laid by that person?! WAKE UP! Do you REALLY think anything could happen between you and that person if you were like "Oh my god, you are my god, godly goodness of gawd, I don't believe!" Do you REALLY REALLY think that sucking up to maybe get one email from them is worth it!?

Yes yes, before everybody gets on my case "it's just business!", well you know what? Thats why i'm not in that business! It infuriates me beyond words, even now i've had to go back and cut off huge snippets of this rant which fall under the category "insane". Nothing brings me more joy then to sit back and realize 95% of these sluts and whores will end up without a penny dying in some corner in a street somewhere once they've sold themselves out to the point nobody cares anymore. If maybe you'd spent more time making the music better, then getting those breast implants, you might have made it. Congratulations.

ENJOY, because let me tell you, I sure am!

And then there is of course, the 1% who doesn't deserve the air they breathe, who make it big. Lets not drop any-BRITNEY SPEARS-names. I can't believe she's making more money then when she was somewhat stable. That people, is a serious disease in our society, when we can idolize a freak who has found existence in the belly of retardation, and pointless.

And then, there is the 4% who will stay in there. Fighting every day, struggling to make art which means more to a critical ear, then a deaf one.

And that is why even going into mainstream music has once again reaffirmed my allegiance to myself when I first started making my music.

"Forever For Free, For however long that is!"

now back to work...

Endless Desert Extended Version
I have chosen to extend Endless Desert because it was just so much damn fun to work with. It's got a neat climax at the end, and because I am no longer trying to make it ambient, there is heavier percussion, and more melodic work. The first minute and 40 seconds hasn't changed much, but work has been done there also. The first version will remain as it will still be a contestant to the ambient MAC contest held over at the Audio Forum.

Posted by MaestroRage - November 5th, 2007

Okay, i'll be the first to admit that song was released before it was ready. I just wanted something ready for Halloween so badly it was a rush job. Taking the song down, and spending more time on it, and refining what was already there, the song is ready to make it's second debut.

It's been changed a fair deal, extended, and the narrative at the beginning removed. Some pm's said they didn't like the narration, thats fine, for the sake of those who didn't like it, it's gone now.

For those who said "remove the vocals altogether", i'm afraid thats not going to happen. This is a collaboration with LadyArsenic, whether you like the vocals or not, it's going to be there, I can only hope that you do in fact like it. Remember that LadyArsenic sent me a sample stream of melodic ideas, and I cut the voice files up to suit my own ideas. For example, in her stream there is not a single part which repeats, so if there is a part where the voice does not suit the music, that is my fault, not hers!

A few more changes are scheduled, but thus far, it is close completion.

Enjoy, Subito Crudelo, the story of the bride spirit haunting the cathedral, and prequel to the song Crumbling Cathedral!

: Subito Crudelo means roughly "So Cruel" in case anybody is wondering.

Here's the continuation of my story, Epic and Irrelevant like always!

The death of MaestroEmo had left for me a horrible angst in my heart. SO heavy, so dark, I had to bust out ALL the words which rhymed with die, lie, cry, defy/deny, and every other word which would immediately give you a fashionable hairstyle, and goes with the ability to play the wrist violin. I swear i'm busting out the mad wrist solos, playing whole concertos.

I'm never actually concious to see the ending of mine own concerts, I like to think a standing ovation to each performance however. They're not throwing those pineapples at me, but with me!

At the time MilkMan_Dan was going to go away to the army, to do things I never could... like fire a gun... without somebody going "WHAT DID THE MOOSE EVER DO TO YOU >:'(!!!?"

We were planning on joining our forces and locating a game to extend our talents to. We would definitely rux teh world of electronics, one bloody note at a time. We weren't ready for it of course, but young dreams, for young hearts. Our search to find a game let me find an online game called Tribal Wars...

oh FOR LORE that game consumed my soul for a year. Getting my ass handed to me via mass soldiers crushing my soul seemed to be a fetish I couldn't understand. Getting beaten again and again, and again, then again, to be slain. It was like playing Pac Man. No ending, just hours of pointless losing. Yet I came back for more every time...

I am fairly sure Pac Man was the root reason our generation can't finish anything. That game has taught us well... there is no end to your struggles it said to us, give up, run to the nearest power drug, mess things up beyond repair, and then get eaten alive by the ghosts that haunt you.

Checkmate! (Or king me)

The reason I had left was due to my own insecurities. Boy I didn't care much they said my music sucked, but when they started to bring my mother and fat hamster into the picture, it got personal.

"I bet your hamster is SO fat, it waddles to it's food and stores at a 50% more capicity then the other hamsters!!!"

dissed and dismissed, I could never live it down. My Hamster with his chubbiness nibbled in sorrow. I chose to sit beside him, and nibble also, for we both were outcasts, only able to nibble.

And nibble we did.

I chose to nibble organic materials, my hamster decided that it was high time that my polyester jacket got a thrashing of a lifetime. He scurried on up to it, and then did what any fat hamster which just waddled 30 centimeters would do.

He nibbled the hell out of that thing.

Poor bastard was on his back, legs twitching in an hour. I walked into the room, dropping my upside down cake, rightside up, which in it of itself is blasphemy, and ran up to him.

"Walnut! Why!? WHYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!"

He waved his arm motioning me to come closer. Closer, closer still. When my ear was within squeeking distance, he raised his leg, and let one rip. Giggling violently, he went gently into that good night, leaving me to take care of the mess.

Bless you Walnut, you died the way you lived, without apology.

An entirely pointless story I know, but I felt it was important the reader realize I just don't care that i've wasted your precious time. I am cold and heartless like that.

I will likely continue the story to MaestroAngerIssues after this.

Posted by MaestroRage - October 23rd, 2007

So today I dedicated to catching up on all the reviews I read but never responded to. In fact, i've dedicated three whole days for this, and have almost caught up on everything. Save 6-7 songs. Considering there were 56 songs to go through and on the average, each song had about 4-5 reviews unanswered this was no small feat.

Songs like Rage of the Champions, which had 4 pages of unanswered reviews, proved to me once and for all, that I hate that song. I like to listen to the track as I respond to it's reviews as it helps me understand their words better.

4 pages = roughly 40 reviews
1 review = roughly 1 minute
the song is 1 minute

40 minutes = 40 times loop

MaestroRage is now MaestroUnbelievablyFurious

I got tired from that song while listening to the thousand times necessary to make it, listening to it that many more times did NOT make my day >:(.

I look forward to hating He's a Pirate Dance Remix as that is another piece which has a lot of unanswered reviews...

In any case, I felt it was important to do this because it was only fair to those who spent time out of their day to write to me, it is only fair I write back. Come hell or high water, I will respond to them. Some dating back late mid July, at the redesign, where I couldn't respond to reviews because there was no way to identify which ones had anything new on them. So if you're one of those people, I apologize. I DID read them, I just did not respond, and that has been fixed too.

I'll be posting up comical biographies of MaestroRage, or this account, and SoulStrings *now known as MaestroSegments* soon. I hope they prove to be laugh like the previous post.

If you were reading this hoping for a laugh


I hope that did it.

Posted by MaestroRage - October 3rd, 2007

Still busting my chops at University, but I decided, writing my musical story wouldn't kill too much time.

Some musicians I respect like MilkMan_Dan and Lacrioso are letting people know of their past, and the story behind their music. I have decided, for the sake of jumping on wagons, that I too shall write my history, but I shall write it in the way I see fit. Which embodies two key terms to describe it. Epic, and Irrelevant

It all started on the morning of Yesteryear times 4. Or to say, Late 17's. I was a troubled child who seemed to find programming and math fun. Yes indeed, those were dark and horrible days, many physciatrists have plunged deep into the realms of insanity to try and understand my mind. Oh for LORE, I spent many a day explaining, that my mind just did not go that deep.

I pray for them on a nightly basis :(

I was at grade 9 forced into an orchestra class. For in order to graduate I required a music credit, and as I sat there cursing Kahn and his wrath for putting me in this situation I realized that suddenly I did not care the Liberals were going to win that years election.

yes, that is how deeply I was hurt. Let them have the majority of the seats, I hope that failure comes swiftly to the heads of my enemies as their pensions plans are refused to them due to fund deficiencies!

Rubbing my thin grainy hands, and cackligiling *giggiling while cackling*, I was led to the room that would be the music room. The door opened and my eyes made contact with the grand Maestro of High School musicians! I must have interrupted a crucial moment because the French Hornist forgot that the mouth piece did not go into his eye.

"What do you play young man!" he bellowed, pointing his wretched broken down meter stick fiercely into my SOUL!

"I play, and this is no lie, THE TRIANGLE!"

the room shat themselves in horror and awe. Several flutists stood up smashing their seats back into the violinists, impaling their souls, thrusting the flutes deep into the guts of their worst enemies.

And then I realized I should probably answer the question, and also continue taking my medication.

"I play a wicked math book, allow me to demonstrate!" busting out the thickest math book I solved for him right there and then several algebraic formulas. To make it even more relevant to his query I scribbled in C minor, at 140 bpm.

Shedding tears of remorse and wonderment, he pointed me at the bass drum. Even a hamster with downsyndrome could smack a mallet to a large circular box like object on beat right?!


It was hilarious. He'd raise the stick

"No, when I point to y-"

"Okay, i'm not even pointing ye-"



"Sit down, AND NEVER SHALL THEE TOUCH ANOTHER INSTRUMENT!" and the athiests in the room immediatly lol'ed it up, because he said Thee, and that was hilarious.

And then I sat down and started to read my book, which I had borrowed from the library. I don't remember what book it was, only that it had pages, and that it also had no pictures.

I went to the office after class and I said to the guidance counseller I said, "Woman! You get me out of that class, and find me the happiness my mother could never give me >:("

Peering into my eyes, the what was now evidently, a man, took up his guidance book and started typing into his computer. Many minutes passed, and he had failed to pass the Solitaire game. For SHAME, I wanted to screech into the heavens, you formidible TWAT, THE JACK GOES ON TOP OF THE QUEEN, and then I giggled, because I was fairly sure that borderlined incest. Incest is wrong.

"You can't leave that class, all the other classes don't want you!"
"LIES!" I thundered, and unsheathed my +30 axe of retardation!
"YOU SHALL NOT PASS... THAT COURSE!" boomed my opponent while busting out his +50 red pen of fail! For many a day we made combat, the kind of shatters the very foundation of empires, the kind that is written in books to be ridiculed by youngsters of the coming years, because honestly, why not.

And at long last, when I had my axe zipping towards his head, he said "I shall let you DROP THE CLASS!"

"Then make it so wo-man? thing!" and with more clicks, and mother jokes, it was done. I was out of the orchestra class!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


To be continued!

True story!

================================EDIT ==== ECIT=====================

Part 2!

With my newfound victory of not having to attend music class, I went and in my spare, I programmed redudently simple option driven rpg's. In short, press 'a' to kick the midget, 'b' to backhand the midget, 'c', apologize to the midget, etc etc.

And I thought I was Sir Williams the Expert Coder, the Third. And such, grade 9 and 10 were blurs of clickings, and scribblings, and lol'ing at the musicians, and wondering why for the love of all that was fuzzy and pokable would anybody want to take something called the bow, and then rudely rub it suggestively on another object, which would screech out "rape!" albeit it was percieved as music at the time. There is debate about wether grade 9 and 10 musicians, do in fact, rape their instruments with what they try to pass off as "playing".

The only thing they were playing with was the well being of anybody who passed them. It was a fun game to punish the low scum of the school by forcing them to walk by the orchestra room. So full was their fate of agony, it brings great grief to recall it.

God rest their souls, a tear is shed for the fallen.

I'd ask for a moment of silence, but you're garuanteed the screeching of untuned madness to bleed your ears.

And so grade 11 hit, and I my gaming craze hit it's all new high. Deeming myself a "virtual athlete", I stormed the stormy IP server seas with my trusty mouse. I was also a very big Anime fan at the time. If Japan made it, chances were I had it, if Japan didn't make it, chances were I was blackmailing somebody into making it.

For those of you who have seen Fruits Basket.

I'm SO sorry :(.

At the time I found my first musician idol. Yuki Kajiura, composer for the anime series ./Hack Sign. When I first heard the tracks I was like "YOU ARE FULL OF LIES, AND ENTERTAINMENT!" and I busted out that tune like the elderly on bingo night.

And then I said to myself "this song is rightous enough for me to remix it". And I did in fact remix it. And I shall never show you, nor anybody this song ever again, it shall die with me. With my Fruity Loops 3 I thought I was the next Mozart. I was just doing this for kicks and giggles.

And then I said "the internet... she is ready for me D: " and for sure I was going to go up there with my Fruity preset filled crap and dominate the entire planet! The plan was within the end of the week the president himself would fly on down and give me large islands of Hawaii. Declare Tiesto a crack pot addict, and me the all new founder of modern art of audio!

I entered a competetion at RPG Wolfpack *now deceased :'(* and my first breath as MaestroEm-I mean MaestroSorrow was born.

I lost.

But the musician there took pity on my crap I called skill, and said "j00 r fail, use VST's!"

and I did, starting with Edirol, if you go to my old account, it's all made with that one VST, accept like 2 songs. Of course all those songs are equivalantly made of fail. Failure and Do not Pass Go. I did not even collect 200 dollars... Bullavard avenue was sadly out of my reach.

Half a year passed and people were starting to get angry at my overrated page. So many a letter was sent detailing how they would kill my unborn children, and then plant a large salt tablet in locations I wasn't sure of. Like my thyroid gland. Where was that exactly? I'd ask, because I felt it was important to know where I am being threatened before an appopriate lash back was created.

"Yeah... well... I'm going to kick your shins >:'(!"

And sadly i've lost interest in writing the rest of the story, it ends here for MaestroEmo, perhaps one day I shall write about MaestroAngerIssues, and the unknown identity of MaestroMoodSwings. If you made that account, seriously let me know, i've lost sleep. It's not cool.